Banner Haus News and Musings
I was called into work very early, unfortunately to go to the Walmart card aisle, not the Walgreens one...I cannot stand venturing into Walmart. The "associates" here are simply vicious -- impatient and cruel to the elderly, the mentally disabled, and the frail. Yesterday I thought I would just blow a fuse. I was so angry I cried. That's a very dangerous sign in me. Tears of rage. In fact, it's so painful what I witnessed in several instances that I am not going to burden anyone's heart by telling of it, other than it would shred yer hearts. I did speak up because I'd rather look a fool than let evil pass unchallenged. Fer all the good it does.
You lil' gals might think I'm just happy-go-lucky, but when I venture out, my heart bleeds. I'd like to live in a stone castle with a big moat, and gather the meek around me, keep 'em safe and give them their full humanity, and pull up the drawbridge and shut the meanness out. Have a lot of flowers and lil' 3-legged dogs in there, and blind cats no one wants, and a few ol' donkeys, too, and some chickens that were facing the boiling pot, and some crawdads, and -- well, you get the idea.
Which brings me to another thing! My confidence is very shaken. Really, I must learn the same lesson over and over and over again. And the lesson is that I am weak and I am foolish. I need to accept it. But I've been basking in the attention of this blog and my former blogs. Yes, I was. Then I stepped outside myself and my lil' foolishness just looked so pitiful. Posting this and that chit-chat, ugh. Others post when they have something interesting to say. I find the lil' crumbs of life so interesting that I just post too much. I don't know if I accept that it's okay to love even the crumbs of life, or if I ought to feel ashamed to have such a meager lil' world. I will just say that I am typically considered a "chump" and a "loser." It usually doesn't concern me, but it preys on my mind lately. And then I think, well, what if I'm a chump and a loser? So what?
But it gets me worried that I portray myself as a non-chump.
Well who knows what the heck is going on in my mind! I am not going to put the comments on this particular post because I don't want to extract kind words from my bloggie frens. I am just not in a good way lately.
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